Want Some Silverware to Go With That Pop?

So Toni and I went out to lunch yesterday. I don't know if it was extra busy or if we were just extra special, but for some reason there was neither flatware nor napkins on our table. Well, we didn't realize this until after we were already salivating over our food, at which point we had to choose between eating with our faces liked savages, or waiting in agony while our food cooled. We choose option C, which was eating with our hands, pinkies extended, so it still looked ladylike. Fortunately, our waiter came back, and I thought this was our reprieve. Little did I know, it was only the start of a new type of oppression! Our encounter went down something like this:

Me: Excuse me, could we get some flatware?
Waiter: Some what?
Me: Some flatware.
(Waiter dude walks off, returns with flatware.)
Waiter: Did you call this flatware?
Me: Yes....
Waiter: Why would you call it that?
Me: I'm from Florida. That what we call it there.
Waiter: That's weird. You don't say silverware?
Me: No, silverware is made of silver. It's the fancy stuff you bring out for the guests.
Waiter: Oh, so this is just Chili's, nothing fancy? (He said this in a non-hostile manner, though that is hard to convey with the printed word.)
Me: Well, if you were serving us caviar and lobster, you would probably bring us silverware. Otherwise, we use flatware. (Is it my mission in life to school these hapless Okies?!)

Finally, at this point he relinquished the flatware and let us get on with our meal. Toni gave me an, "I can't take you anywhere," look, but other than that, our meal proceeded without incident. But regarding the other half of the title...

At work, we were taking an informal survey to decide what snacks/beverages to have at an upcoming get-together. One of my coworkers asked if I drank pop, and of course my response, (with an inaudible giggle,)was that I do not. I was about to respond with, "But I do drink soda," reigniting long dormant north-south hostilities, when Tonya chimed in with, "She doesn't drink anything good, only water!" So that has become our tradition; at our next shindig, the host will be serving margaritas, diet soda, and "fine water" for me. Bottoms up!